Mmmmmm!

So it's Good Friday and, not intending to be disrespectful, I'm going to rave about a hamburger on my blog.  I took my teenage son for lunch and a couple rounds of golf (don't be impressed...it was mini golf soooo, we had a great time and neither of us will be sore tomorrow).  After running through the list of restaurant options in town, which took quite some time as there are way too many to choose from in a single square mile, we settled on the new burger establishment...Burgerim.

Burgerim is located in a high traffic shopping area and isn't anything special to look at from the outside or the inside.  To be honest, I was a little disappointed in the lack of character/ambiance when we walked in the door.  The menu was not terribly long and was posted above the cashier.  But when I took a closer look at the menu, it was kind of cool.  It's basically a build your own burger place...choose your bun, meat (or vegie burger if you like), toppings, condiments, how many burgers you want.  A combo meal includes your choice of sides, one of which is fresh fries/chips cut in round discs instead of straight French fries or curly fries...

 

The burgers are not huge...I had only one in my combo meal and it was plenty for me for lunch, but I could see where someone could easily eat 2 or maybe 3 if he was really hungry.  The uno combo meal was $6.99.  They also have family packs and party packs (picture 16 burgers arranged in a donut-style bakery box).

BUT, enough of the boring stuff!  The burger I had was their "classic" but it had a wonderful smoky taste.  I literally thought it tasted like a homemade one fresh off the grill.  I didn't request a specific way to have it cooked, so mine was cooked through, no pink.  You may be able to ask for your desired doneness.  But here's the fun part...if you like a "gourmet" burger, some of their options are aged beef (28 days), a mexican inspired patty, chicken breast, falafel, a top grade beef patty (the top of the line beef found in the US), 5 different sauces, and add ons such as a fried egg.  Impressive!

So, if I were to rate this restaurant, for a fast food place, I would give it 4.5 out of a 5 star scale.  They definitely won brownie points with me when I saw that they offer a sizeable discount for on-duty police officers, firefighters, and paramedics.  Two thumbs up and I will eat here again!!!

Rain

The sound of rain on the roof all night long means really good sleep for me.  It is a soothing sound and helps quiet my mind so it can rest.  When the sun comes up, however, I want it to go away.  I want the bright cheerfulness of the sun to encourage me and the flowers and the trees.

We need both rain and sunshine and, depending on the timing, both are considered healing, nourishing, and good for the soul.  How easy we forget this and grumble...the sun is too hot, blinding, irritating or the rain is too cold, dreary, and depressing.  

It's a habit to see everything around us as "too this" or "too that."  I'm working on breaking that habit.  Contentment comes when we can look at the up side and turn our back on the negatives.  I am adding a little 3 letter word to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones..."but"

"We've already gotten 3 inches of rain and it's still raining, BUT the trees are budding and the robins are building a nest on my porch."

"I got a flat tire on the way to work, BUT I didn't get in an accident and I am alive."

"I was hurt deeply by someone close to me, BUT I learned that I have a voice and I CAN set boundaries and it's OK to say "I'm not OK with xyz."

Once I get in the solid habit of turning thoughts around, it's easier for my mind to go directly to the positive thought and bypass the negative.  Some days are easier than others and I am definitely still a work in progress when it comes to being consistent with it.  

Sometimes writing it down can help, too.  I am not good at keeping a journal...I have one, it's just rarely used.  It's time consuming to write out my thoughts on paper so I don't always enjoy doing it, BUT I have my phone with me all the time and it has this wonderful thing called "notes."  I started a note that is just a list of positive things.  Every time I think of one or turn a thought from negative to positive, I jot down one word to remind me of that good thing.  It makes me happy in that moment, but also gives me a nice list of blessings to peek at when I am having a tough day.  For the really good ones, I either write about them here or actually put them in my journal.

Rain and sunshine...neither one is 100% good nor 100% bad...they are a beautiful mix of both.

ARACHNOPHOBIA?!!!

"Arachnophobia is the irrational fear of spiders and other arachnids such as scorpions."

OK, so the psych definition calls it irrational, but I ask you...Who in their right mind would want to curl up and take a nap with one of these guys?!!  My skin is crawling just thinking about it!  And for those of you who like to say, "they're more scared of you than you are of them," please explain why one crawled across my face in the middle of the night?!!  And why do they like to drop down out of trees and the rafters of my garage right on top of people?  

Too many legs and weird eyes and they bite...I rest my case!  

(Oh, and if you think you're being funny by tormenting me with toys or the real deal?  You are no friend of mine...seriously...not even kidding!  I'll still love you but I won't be able to hang out with you...boundaries!!!)

X in the Middle

anx·i·e·ty

aNGˈzīədē/

noun

1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
2. 
   

   "he felt a surge of anxiety"

   synonyms:

   worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More

   • desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

     
     

     "the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"

     synonyms:

     eagerness, keenness, desire "an anxiety to please"

   • PSYCHIATRY

     a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.
   • 
     
   • Well now, this is a word that is thrown around like Iphones in a local high school.  Everybody has it and it's no big deal...unless you really DO have it.
   • 
     
   • This funky word with an x in the middle can be completely debilitating.  Think about the worst stress you have ever been under in your entire life.  Think about how your body physically felt.  Now extend that feeling over days, weeks, months at a time.  Your body is on high alert, overdosing on adrenaline, and ready to defend itself against the most serious of threats to it's well-being.  Now combine this with almost no sleep due to your high alert status and your brain being in overdrive with worry.  (Two of the worst things you can do, long term, to your body are stress and sleep deprivation.)  Now add to this everyone you know telling you not to worry about it or it's no big deal or just relax.  Now add people you thought were your friends, tearing you down publicly and add a highly demanding job.  Now add physical ailments/illness that pop up because your body can't take the long term physical toll.  Now add well meaning people telling you it's all in your head...being physically ill is all in your head.  And of course, add the people who tell you to just get over it.
   • 
     

   I am here to tell you...it's definitely not that simple.  What starts out as a little bit of stress turns into a mountain of a problem as more and more and more things are dumped onto an already strained system.  If our car were under this much stress, every single light on the dash would be flashing, the engine would sound like it was about to self destruct, and there would probably be smoke billowing out the back.  We're all smart enough to turn off the engine, give it a rest, call for a ride, and tow that car to the mechanic.  And we sure wouldn't continue to drive it until it was mended....why?  because we don't want to permanently damage the engine!  So why do we do this to ourselves or watch others do it to themselves and not think twice about it?  Some people even seem to enjoy watching others somehow self destruct in a breakdown of one sort or another.

Be sensitive, be kind, remind yourself that you may not know everything a person is dealing with under the surface.  Maybe they are doing the very best they can with the world around them.  Maybe there is no one else that has taken a moment to care.  Maybe you could be the one person who says "hey, you need to take care of you...I see you giving this life everything you've got, but even heroes need to breathe and rest and heal..."

Out the Door in Record Time

My hair is long...and thick...and wavy.  In the summer time I look like a poodle (humidity is not my friend) and in the winter I look like a scarecrow (heaters and the hair dryer...ugh).  I love how my hair looks down on my good hair days, but on my bad hair days I spend 30 min. to an hour trying to tame an unmanageable mane...trying everything from sprays to mousses to gels to a variety of styling tools.  At least, I used to do all that...

Four years ago. I found a gadget that literally has saved me hours and hours of time.  Today, on a bad hair day, I spend 30 seconds (max) on an updo and I head out the door feeling like a million bucks.  The flexi clip has changed my life...and I don't say that flippantly.

I discovered these clips at an online Facebook party hosted by a friend of mine.  I bought a couple to "try", thinking I would surely have to supplement one flexi clip with a million bobby pins and another can of hairspray to get my hair to stay put for any length of time.  But my mind was blown when I put one in my hair and felt how secure it was.  I was hooked on Day 1.

I bought several more a few weeks later and hosted my own party in order to round out my collection to one of every size.  There is no hairstyle that eludes me now and I am in love with this product.  I no longer use gel or hairspray or bobby pins at all...ever, and I only use mousse on days when I leave my hair down and want to encourage my waves.  This was this morning’s selfie with an XL flexi... not a very good photo, but you get the idea...

There are a ton of different colors and styles to choose from and they all come in 7 sizes so there is something for everyone.  No matter how much/little hair you have and no matter what the texture, they will stay put all day!  
Want to know more?  click here

Ebb and Flow

Friendships are interesting creatures.  Some are fiercely strong, some merely acquaintances and small talk.  Some you have to work hard to maintain and others just exist with no effort at all.  Some are healthy and some are not.  They are something that cannot be contrived or forced or willed into existence.  And they all evolve over time.

The good friendships, the really good ones, are the ones in which you can be 100% real...honest about your day to day life, honest about your feelings, honest about your needs, honest about your dreams, honest about your fears.  They are the ones you can let your hair down in and just be...no pretenses, no manipulations, no performances, just truth laid bare and acceptance of you right where you’re at.  

I have spent years of my life trying to please everyone and juggling too many people to be a good friend to any.  I have tried to maintain friendships that were unhealthy, inappropriate, or just plain incompatible in the name of “showing everyone the love of Christ” and wanting to be “a good friend.”  In the end, I was so focused on pleasing everyone else, I neglected myself, my extended family, my closest friends, and time with the Lord.

God opened my eyes and made me realize...He never intended for every life we touch to be a permanent addition to our life.  Each person that crosses our path does so for us to learn something.  They are not all meant to unpack and stay indefinitely and it is not our responsibility to be their friend for life.  It’s ok if people move on and it’s ok to let go and it’s ok for me to move on without them.  

Facebook and our entire society have made us believe that more and more and more friends are what will fulfill you and make you successful.  But God places very specific people in our lives that are meant to stay...be selective in who you invest your time and heart in.  Not all who wander into your life are intended to stay.  If you listen carefully, you will know exactly who they are.

PS I am seriously still working on this!

Nerves

Last night my heart was pounding, breathing came in little gasps, my mind was racing, and my palms were sweaty.  It started about 10 minutes before we got there and lasted for the first hour and a half.  I felt like a kid about to go onstage for my first school play.  This is silly, I’m a grown adult for Pete’s sake!!!!  (I have often wondered who Pete is anyway...he is obviously extremely annoying)

At the door, my nerves were met with a sea of round tables, all packed with people of various shapes and sizes, and all dressed in green.  Music was blaring and everyone was yelling at each other just to be heard.  I did not know a single soul in this sea of white plastic tablecloths and green clad conversationalists.  Sweaty palms turned into a full blown hot flash.  I was introduced to one table of friends and I went through the motions of greeting them and repeating their names ( somewhere I read that it helps you remember names, but I can’t remember any of them except for one girl I had seen pictures of before).  I was then ushered to a table of 3 ladies who welcomed me by saying their names (I remember one because her name is also mine) and telling me this was the mom’s table.  I continued to sweat through the small talk.  My body relaxed slightly as they realized who I was attached to and proceeded to gush over how sweet and wonderful he is.  My mind was only half listening as it raced around the room without me, taking in the sights, sounds, smells of food, and the irrational fear of offending someone.

The next moment pushed me into overload as one of the moms grabbed my hand and said, “Come on!  Our kids are dancing!”, indicating that we should join them on the dance floor.  The fear of causing a scene trumped the irrational fear that everyone in the room would be watching ME dance and I allowed myself to be led into the middle of a mass of shifting shades of green.  I am happy to say I did not have a heart attack and did not pass out.  I actually had a couple good moves and my son was smiling ear to ear but I was never before so relieved to hear the end of a song.

This may sound like no big deal to some of you but to those of you with anxiety and panic attacks, you know exactly what i’m talking about.  It is a ridiculous, irritating, and irrational fear of a perfectly safe, normal human interaction.  I wasn’t like this as a kid... what happened to make me this freaking insecure?!  

I have a suspicion, but I will save that for another day...

Grief

Five little  letters arranged into such a powerfully painful word.  Grief surrounds many things in life but they all have one thing in common...a deep heart attachment to something other than ourselves...a pet, a grandparent, a home, a spouse, a friend, a job, a parent...there are many more.  As I reflect back over the years, I believe there is one kind of grief that lives in a category all it’s own—The grief of losing a child.

I’ve watched people close to me lose children in all stages of life...miscarriage, infants, toddlers, school-age, teenagers, college age, and adult.  They all have one thing in common.  A grief that cannot be cured because a piece of our very being has been torn from our life.  Parents and children have a bond like no other.  Regardless of time, distance, disagreements, lifestyle, misunderstandings, this bond cannot be severed.  Even when one wants to disown the other, it is not possible to completely detach oneself from that part of our being that is entwined in the other person.  There will always and forever be a tie there.

Time can pass and it gets easier to keep a mind busy with other things; it gets easier to hide the pain inside; it gets easier to pretend you’ve “moved on with your life”...but that piece that was ripped out of you can never be replaced, or ignored, or forgotten.

Treat others with gentle kindness, they may be hiding a grief that they cannot fully express and can never fully escape.

Random...

Random things a mom finds in her Bible...
This is probably 10 years old but I leave it right where I found it the very first time ❤️

Mind Games

Our brain is a funny thing.  We think without giving it a thought.  We accept whatever crosses our mind without giving it a moment of reflection.

But what if we could train ourselves to stop and consider whether or not the idea in our head is true?  It is possible to think about our thoughts.  When I do this, I almost always realize that the stream of consciousness that runs unchecked in my mind is rarely the truth about myself, the people around me, my situation in life, or the circumstances of the moment. 

My brain's auto pilot has a negative bent, a skewed view of myself and the world around me, which sees all things as negative first and foremost with maybe a hint of something positive.  The days I allow my brain to run carelessly and with abandon are the days when I am most hard on myself and the days when nothing seems to go right.  But if I catch myself on one of these days, and take a good look at my thought pattern, and ask myself "how much of this is actually true?"...I am shocked at how dark my view has been.  I have been riding a tidal wave of emotion that isn't even based on fact and most certainly affects how I feel bout myself and everyone and everything around me.

So today's amazing task is to stop and think, really think about what I'm thinking.  It takes effort and is hard at first.  I can't do it for very long, but with practice...my world will be a much brighter, truer place to be.

Philippians 4:8...
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

The N word

Narcissist...
the Mayo Clinic defines this as Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. 

But I define it as someone to avoid at all costs...my fragile heart can't survive their boots leaving tread marks all over it... 

I now know what to look for and how to protect myself with boundaries.  I've learned that people's negative opinions of me are often due to either their skewed vision or their lack of information and the desire to know the truth.

This heart is recovering and this heart will go on beating...
This heart wants only the best for others,
to see people smile,
to see people reach for their dreams,
and to help others realize they are important and they matter...

Things are about to get messy!

Take a look at my profile and you'll probably figure it out...I'm an empath.  Some days that's a beautiful and enchanting thing and some days it's messy and painful and overwhelming. 

I feel things.  Not just my own feelings, but the feelings of those around me and when there are strong personalities around me, I sometimes begin to drown in the tidal wave of emotions in the room. 

I make no promises that this blog will be fun, with fairies and rainbows every day, but I will promise it will be real, even when being real means baring my heart and soul to all of you.  It's a risk, opening up like that to people I do not know.  Anxiety appears at the mere thought of it, but writing is therapeutic and blogging may help someone else navigate similar circumstances and emotions. 

I am by no means a counselor or advisor, but I am a great listener and encourager.  So hop on this road with me if you wish, and we will share this life together.  Every day is a new beginning and a fresh start...choose to make it a good one...
Laurie